marenzi: (Rainbow Balloons)
Possibly triggering, but this is a happy post.

Last weekend, my best friend & I walked down to the football field long past midnight and sat in the grass. We were just tipsy enough to keep warm. And I finally told him, the first person I've ever told, that I had been raped.

And this boy - this boy knows me better than anyone ever has, and I will love him forever for not saying anything. He just pulled me to him and held me while I talked. And really, after months of agonizing about if I could do this... it was okay. It was good, even. Because I'd reconciled this with myself, but the thought of anyone else knowing terrified me. And now he does, and it's still okay.

I am just in such a good place right now. ♥
marenzi: (Rainbow Balloons)
I'm hooooome! Last week was finals week, with a grand total of six hours of sleep, 42 hours in the library (I AM NEVER GOING BACK THERE until spring quarter finals week), and zero meltdowns. So, you know, success!

Then we drove up to Michigan Friday night after my last exam to shoot the Western Intercollegiate Rifle Championships at Michigan State on Saturday morning. It went well for the team, okay for me - my goddamn air cylinder completely busted during my first set, so I kind of just completely winged my air targets - and no I am not at all bitter than every single part of that gun other than the wooden pieces of the stock have broken during a match this season - it's a $6000 competition precision Walther! - okay this has just completely devolved into an incoherent rant of rage. Apparently I have ~feelings about this!

ANYWAY. Ahem. So after the awards banquet, where I'm proud to say we held our own against all the division one teams with Olympic shooters, we drove back to Indiana and I got straight on a plane to DC. Actually, I got on a plane to Atlanta and then another one to DC, because AirTran is super cheap but kind of stupid. And then I slept for more than two hours in a row for the first time all week and it was GLORIOUS.

So I woke up this morning, went grocery shopping, and haven't left the kitchen since. The fridge is already full & it's only the first day. SOMEONE COME HELP ME EAT ALL OF THIS, PLEASE.

HELLO ♥

Feb. 18th, 2011 04:43 pm
marenzi: (Shots shots shots shots shots EVERYBODY)
Hi everyone! It is absolutely GORGEOUS here (especially after flying up to Alaska to shoot last weekend, where it was -40F!) and I'm so happy for SPRING. And because it's the last day of classes for winter quarter and now I am DONE and get to go home after a week of finals! And okay, some of my joy also comes from pregaming my afternoon classes, but whatever, I'm happy. :D

My life... has been complicated lately. There has been lots of ~drama and unhappiness and confusion. But that's all right, because I finally think I have it figured out and I love Rose again and my friends and it's all going to be okay. I will maybe try to make a semi-coherent post about this later.

I hope you are all having just as wonderful days today, you deserve it! ♥

Jan. 25th, 2011 11:28 pm
marenzi: ([RPS] Epic Love Story)
I shouldn't be surprised that every single one of the [livejournal.com profile] blindfold_spn fills that I loved enough to save were written by people on my flist. :D You guys are so talented, it still blows me away. My deepest admiration to all of you!

I actually wrote something today too - I was in my electronic device modeling class, supposedly taking notes on AC transductor voltage gain, when I just became certain that I had to write something. It's the worst cliché, but it was the most wonderful feeling like I just needed to put words on the page, right away. Not posting it, since it's ten kinds of childish drivel - but I wrote it. This is what I've loved my entire life, and honestly, I've been terrified that it was gone for good. I haven't written in a full year, haven't felt that pull, and I'm overjoyed that it still exists.

Life is dramatic. How novel, right? To bring the teenage cliché full circle, I've just been thinking about love a lot lately. I believe it exists, but it's rare. I'm in the position of a girl who's never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, never been kissed until college - never wanted to be in a relationship in my life. And now I've had the opportunities, but I've still never felt anything more than deep affection for a good friend.

I've just been thinking a lot lately about why that is, if I'm waiting for a fireworks show instead of a spark, but I haven't even found the spark yet. At this point, I'm wondering if I will, and wondering why I'm not craving it like so many of my friends.

But it's okay, I'll figure it out someday. And for now I'm just going to be thankful for the amazing people who put up with my neuroses & emotional distance. I love them for it. Thank you.

Rifle

Jan. 15th, 2011 12:24 am
marenzi: ([SPN] Lock & Load)
So I'm currently up in northern Ohio because we're shooting in the Camp Perry Open tomorrow for rifle! This is the beginning of the main part of our season, aka I'll be traveling every weekend until March. (Goodbye, social life.) This'll definitely be interesting; it's the only non-NCAA match we shoot, and we'll be on the line with the Olympic team, the national team, and Special Forces snipers. No pressure or anything.

Other really exciting news is that University of Alaska Fairbanks, which has lead the NCAA rifle program for the past few decades, has invited us up to shoot our sectional qualifiers at the end of February. And since we're currently unsupported by our school (long story, but we have no funding), they're actually paying for everything. Flights, room & board, range... it's an awesome opportunity that I think will be a great end to the season. And dude, ALASKA!

asdfkljf and we were just informed that our relay starts at 8:00, not 10:30 as they'd originally said, so I'll need to be up in five hours. Night! ♥
marenzi: (Converse Love)
Hello all! I hope everyone has a lovely holiday season, or at least an excellent few days off work!

First off, I got a nook for Christmas! I've been working my way through the Harry Potter books, which I've been wanting to reread for forever - but who the hell wants to lug all those books around?? - and I'm halfway through Goblet of Fire. God I'd forgotten how much I love this world! Shoebox Project will definitely be next, since that's my canon anyway. ♥

But I was hoping some of you might be able to point me towards any comms for ebook sharing? Because I haven't figured out how I'm paying for next quarter's textbooks, much less fun reading. I'll love you even more than I already do!

And secondly, my cousin has convinced me to finally try Tumblr. I'm shakethemountains, from the e.e.cummings poem the boys I mean are not refined, which I adore. So far it's just quotations & pretty things & utter randomness, and it's not going to be super fannish since it's connected to my RL. But link me to yours? And to any pretty picspam feeds? Please & thank you!

Love to you all - get ready for 2011!
marenzi: (Converse Love)
First of all, I want to tell you all about Chrome For A Cause! From now through this weekend, every time you open up a tab in Chrome, you get a point. At the end of each day, you get to choose how to donate them! All you have to do is install an unobtrusive plug-in that counts your tabs, so there's really no reason not to. :)

And secondly, I need you to listen to me very carefully. You must try Mario Batali's recipe for linguine with clams. This is imperative. It is the best kind of simple that is effortlessly classy. It is a two-pot dish - one for pasta, another for the rest - that honestly only takes 20 minutes & comes out perfectly every time. It's fast and easy (and you know that's how I like it). You will fall in love.

I make it every single time I go home, usually within 48 hours. However, if you're 1. unfortunate enough to live in some crazy Midwest town where you can't buy, say, clams - and the boy at the seafood counter doesn't know the difference between clams & mussels anyway - or 2. a dead-broke college student, or even 3. both - it's okay. I'll let you cheat.

Because you know what? If you trudge back through a foot of slush after a lab that quite literally blew up in your face - giving a whole new meaning to "pop a cap" - followed by a test that has you considering dropping the class, and you're cranky and hungry and ready to cry because you've only had 7 hours of sleep in the last three days and have another three tests before you can finally, finally get on that magical plane home tomorrow night - well, first you might want to hire an editor, because your run-on sentences are atrocious.

And then you can make some pasta in the microwave, open up some canned clams, and dump 'em on top with some olive oil, garlic powder, parsley flakes, garlic powder, and salt & pepper. You can ignore those looming deadlines and open up the internet - because you're not procrastinating, you're being charitable! - and relax.

But at some point you should probably open up that thermo book again. Damn it.

Wintertime!

Dec. 4th, 2010 03:27 pm
marenzi: (Converse Love)
YAY IT SNOWED!! Like six inches! \o/ And everything is wonderfully white and campus is so pretty, even if I'm stuck inside because stupid broken leg. I spent the morning watching happy movies & drinking hot chocolate while I did my homework, though. Yum.

I very selfishly want to sign up for holiday cards, because getting something other than tuition bills in my campus box is super exciting. And then I get to extend Christmas into January, when I come back to cheerful cards! But I feel terribly guilty asking for cards when I'm not sure if I can send any - I can't drive since it's my right leg that's casted, and I don't know if anyone's going to the store this weekend. We'll see, I'll hopefully put a poll up soon! I want to send you happy things. ♥

Here, have pictures of the view from my window:


First picture was taken when I moved in in August, second one was taken thirty seconds ago & has a weird dotted effect because it's too cold to raise the screen. :)

edit OMG someone is building an EPIC igloo below my window & I can hear the civil engineers yelling about the best way to make it structurally sound. I love my geek school.
marenzi: (Rainbow Sky)
I have such a terrible habit of getting completely overwhelmed with life and dropping out of fandom. And then I wonder why I don't have some sort of non-engineering creative outlet anymore. Sigh.

I promise to keep trying because I love you all! I did do a bit of a friends cut just because the smaller my flist is, the less I can distract myself with LJ (or at least that's what I tell myself). I still think you're stunningly fantastic people. ♥

First quarter was really rough in pretty much every way. Physically, I had knee surgery and then broke my leg a few weeks later; mentally, classes were barely passable; emotionally, I thought I was falling out with most of my friends. It was the first time I haven't loved Rose, and it was honestly really hard to handle.

But I went home for a week, ate good food, passed my classes, talked to friends, and now we've just begun the second quarter and I'm optimistic. I think I needed a perspective adjustment. It really will all work out.

I did get some good news - I was invited to intern for a major defense firm, so I'll be living by Lake Winnebago in Wisconsin this summer, designing & testing control systems for military vehicles! I'm pretty excited, since I really connected with the company and they'll be letting me work on both mechanical & electrical projects so I'll have experience in both my majors. Working on hands-on projects that will really help people? This is exactly what I was hoping for. (Okay, maybe not in Wisconsin, but we'll see!)

Basically, I'm just reminding myself that there are Good Things to be excited about: the upcoming holidays (and the many excuses for baking!). Rifle. The first snowfall, snowball fights, & ice skating on the lake. My ΔΣΦ boys. Going home in a few weeks to see my parents & puppies. Coming back to fandom, because I've missed you.
marenzi: (Default)
Hi guys! I don't even know what happened to the last two months but it has been CRAZY. Summer was fantastic, orientation was insane but went off beautifully, and sophomore year is kicking my ass hardcore. So far, I've dropped everything from my life except class, work, rifle, and sleep*, torn my meniscus, and reaffirmed how much I love my amazing ΔΣΦ boys for keeping me semi-sane.

This was a really rough week - the first time I've ever absolutely not wanted to be at Rose, wondering why the hell I'm doing the double major, why do I suck at life - but tonight is Homecoming so it's (almost) all better. I'm going to see all of my seniors from last year and get a chance to breathe for the first time in a few weeks.

And I finally got a chance to watch the SPN premiere. All I have to say is OMGWTFBOYS. I have lots of thoughts on the subject but few are very thinky and they mostly involve lots of flailing. I am somehow going to make time to watch the new episode this weekend, I promise, although it's weird watching with other people. Especially non-fandom people. We'll see if I can possibly contain my squeals of Wincesty glee.

Basically life sucked but is slowly getting better and I MISSED YOU. Sorry. ♥

*optional.
marenzi: (Coffee & Biscotti)
It's been over three weeks since I've updated, but I'm alive! Sorry for the complete lack of communication & the fact that there is no way I can ever catch up on my flist. I still love you all, I promise.

The first two weeks were my Iceland trip (which oh my fucking god was so amazing & will get its own post... someday) and then the day after I got home I drove back out here to Indiana, since summer classes began on Monday. I'm grade-replacing differential equations II (I am truly terrible at math for an engineer, and I'm going to need this material for the rest of my life, so I figure it's worth it) and technical communications, the only required English class that is usually taken as a junior.

Thanks to the accelerated pace (essentially double that of the school year) and the fact that these are both incredibly work-extensive classes, I'm very near drowning, but so far it's workable and I really feel like I understand what's going on, which is always nice. I am sort of :/ with my DE prof at the moment, as I couldn't recall some trig substitution (which I haven't used in years, okay) and he made the offhanded comment, "Well, if you're an EE and you don't understand this, you may as well give up and walk out right now." WHICH I VERY NEARLY DID. Sorry I suck at this, but I'm trying? This ME/EE thing is hard, cut me a little slack because I couldn't remember one fact from high school.

But I'm fully moved into the Delta Sig house now, which is disgustingly fantastic. I'm living in the basement because it's much quieter down here. I'd forgotten that six hours of sleep is a luxury here, especially living with these boys. Still amused by the enormous mirror above the curtained-in bed, although it's rather disorienting when you wake up in the morning.

ANYWAY. TL;DR I've missed LJ, but July has been a very good month for me! Please link me to all of the wonderful things I've missed?
marenzi: (Default)
I am currently on the second story of a very nice bus with both outlets & FREE wifi on my way to NYC! This is so freaking nice for nine dollars, I wish they had a bus out to Indianapolis for school. But yes, the journey has commenced and the metro wasn't even delayed this morning, which I take as a wonderful sign. I'll get off the bus at Penn Station and take a train over to Newark, which is one of the only US cities which has Iceland Express service. I wish I'd known about this service when I still lived in DC; I've never visited NYC before and this could have been perfect.

Also, the coolest people are on this bus, seriously. A couple of French guys with really sexy accents (and I understand everything they say, so I still know my French after all!) who just left university, a drop-dead gorgeous Irish girl (think Blake Lively but even hotter) who has no travel plans other than explore the US, these hilariously cranky old ladies who are refusing to be impressed by the bus & lovely service... I am enjoying this. :D

Iceland!!

Jun. 29th, 2010 09:25 pm
marenzi: (Paris Bike)
Hello all! I've been awful about posting lately because in the last few days I've been completely rearranging my summer. This means that in two days, I'll be leaving the country for the first time (!!) to visit Iceland for two weeks! I'm half Icelandic and have never met anyone from that side of the family before, and my best friend from high school's family moved there as diplomats so I'll be able to stay with them. YES I'M REALLY FREAKING EXCITED.

I've been going crazy trying to figure out what I need to pack and finalize travel plans. The current plan is DC metro to bus to train to Newark airport, which is pretty inexpensive but going to require a lot more coordination with a suitcase than a direct train to the airport. IDK I'm kind of freaking out that I'm going to miss one of the transfers, but mostly just bouncing around like a five-year-old. :D

I'm running out to the bookstore tomorrow for novels & a beautiful journal (ohhh I have such a kink for pretty blank journals) because I am going to write about this, damn it. And take lots of pictures. (I say this all the time. I sort of also have a phobia of writing in my pretty blank journals. But this is important!) Anyway, please rec me your favorite fun books! I'll have over twenty hours of travel time on this trip, so anything long is especially appreciated.

Okay back to packing! Slash finishing up my marathon of TBBT. (GOD I LOVE SHELDON. In very small, fictional doses.)
marenzi: (Coffee & Biscotti)
So I pretty much completely overreacted when dinner didn't come out the way I'd hoped and sent myself to my room without supper... and promptly got right back on food blogs. I'm never going to learn.

But then I stumbled upon one of my favorite posts ever, which I found a while ago but forgot to bookmark. Here’s how to impress a boy with baking.

Note: If your particular boy doesn’t like baked goods… I’m afraid I don’t understand. He’s weird. I’d question his motives.
If you happen to be interested in girls… well… that’s a whole other blog post… one that possibly includes more chocolate and how to hide a giant engagement ring in her favorite cupcake.

Now… it’s not that we need to impress boys. Oh heck no. It’s just that sometimes… we want to, and that’s not a crime.
And that’s my two cents… put that in your brain hole to marinate.

FOOD ♥

Jun. 13th, 2010 08:29 pm
marenzi: (Coffee & Biscotti)
I have spent ALL DAY going through cooking blogs & photography and I am dying to start cooking again. Unfortunately, I've been banned from the kitchen until the fridge is emptier. DISLIKE.

My favorite college-student site is Budget Bytes, with delicious-but-inexpensive recipes, and I love Anne'a Kitchen for its beautiful stories & photography (icon!), but other than that I usually just follow Tastespotting for gorgeous food porn & recipes. Any other recommendations?

ALSO, GREATEST DISCOVERY OF MY WEEK: mmagda's Etsy shop. OH GOD. I am absolutely in love with the rainbow cake pendant & earrings, the cherry pie pendant, the fruit tart pendant, the coffee bean cupcake earrings, the swirly ice cream cone earrings, the rainbow ice cream cone earrings, the lemon cupcake earrings, the chocolate star cupcake earrings, the waffle pins... I want them all! This is my narrowed-down list from over fifty tabs and now I'm stuck, but I'm definitely ordering something. :)

Rec me your favorite food-related things!
marenzi: (Shots shots shots shots shots EVERYBODY)


(Yes, these were actual billboards. Because THAT'S how you encourage kids to pursue higher education.)
marenzi: (Paris Bike)
i. I am home! And really, really ready to go back to Indiana. I miss it so much already. Still considering just driving back and living at the house if things get too bad here.

ii. Yeah, I'll be retaking differential equations II in the fall. For an engineer, I am so terrible at math, it's not even funny anymore. But I should be done with all my math courses after next quarter. Fingers crossed!

iii. I desperately, desperately want to go see Foreigner, Styx, & Kansas at Nissan Pavilion Jiffy Lube Live (wtf really? when did this happen?) on June 12th! $20 lawn tickets, people! But I don't really have any friends left here and none of them seem interested anyway because they have no taste in music. DC fangirls, anyone wanna go with me??

iv. SPEAKING OF, DC fangirl meetup sometime while I'm home, Y/Y? :D I very much want to see you lovely ladies!

v. My really exciting news... the dad of my best friend from high school, Caro, now works as the Icelandic diplomat, so they're living there now. I'm half Icelandic on my dad's side, so I have tons of family there I've never met. So this August, I'm actually going to leave the country for the first time (!!) and visit! I'll probably be spending two weeks there, mostly in Reykjavik. I'm booking my flight this week and am so, so excited. (I'll spam about this much more once I actually have details worked out.)

vi. I'm loving [livejournal.com profile] classy_lawyers, a new Jared-Jensen-Danneel RP by [livejournal.com profile] poor_choices & [livejournal.com profile] setissma. You should be following this.

vii. Because I can't end on an even number, and seven is a good number - I love you all. ♥
marenzi: (Shots shots shots shots shots EVERYBODY)
So I finished my last final on Wednesday and am officially done with freshman year. WHAT. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN. But I'm all packed up and just got checked out of my room, so. Apparently they want me to leave campus or something.

So of course the last two days have been nonstop partying with people I fucking love and don't know what I'm going to do without this summer. Yeah, I know college changes you, but I've pulled a 180 from high school because these girls brought me out of my insecure shell. And my seniors are all leaving me to go out into the ~real world~, which confuses me because I just did a keg stand with them last night, they can't be professionals!

Speaking of, last night the kegger was at the house of the guy from the rifle team who I had a thing with all season. We haven't really seen each other lately, so I wasn't sure if it would be weird if I went, but I'm so glad I did because I really missed him. He's such a good guy and TBH, I'm sorry that I wasn't more open to dating him because I think we could have been good together. But he'll come back to visit at homecoming next year, so yeah. Good closure.

Still waiting to hear back about the internship. (Said they'd call today or tomorrow.) If it doesn't work out, I'll be home in NoVA Sunday night. Until then, I'm just staying at the Delta Sig house and refusing to acknowledge that everyone is gone. It's weird, it still feels like procrastinating even though there is nothing I need to do. Free time, what?

So now I'm just rambling but really, the point: I am at a very strange point where I'm happy because finals are over & I'm having so much fun with amazing people, but I never ever want to leave. ♥
marenzi: (Shots shots shots shots shots EVERYBODY)
Just got out of a five-hour design meeting, about to begin a who-knows-how-long statics meeting until morning. I am so drained right now that I am questioning everything. It would be so wonderful to have some fandom love right now. ♥



After all of this is over (aka 5:00pm today), we are all going out to Olive Garden to celebrate/mourn the end of freshman year before we go to Delta Sig's Fiesta Friday/Around the World party. It's going to get better, I know.

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marenzi: (Default)
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April 2011

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