Jan. 25th, 2011

Jan. 25th, 2011 11:28 pm
marenzi: ([RPS] Epic Love Story)
I shouldn't be surprised that every single one of the [livejournal.com profile] blindfold_spn fills that I loved enough to save were written by people on my flist. :D You guys are so talented, it still blows me away. My deepest admiration to all of you!

I actually wrote something today too - I was in my electronic device modeling class, supposedly taking notes on AC transductor voltage gain, when I just became certain that I had to write something. It's the worst cliché, but it was the most wonderful feeling like I just needed to put words on the page, right away. Not posting it, since it's ten kinds of childish drivel - but I wrote it. This is what I've loved my entire life, and honestly, I've been terrified that it was gone for good. I haven't written in a full year, haven't felt that pull, and I'm overjoyed that it still exists.

Life is dramatic. How novel, right? To bring the teenage cliché full circle, I've just been thinking about love a lot lately. I believe it exists, but it's rare. I'm in the position of a girl who's never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, never been kissed until college - never wanted to be in a relationship in my life. And now I've had the opportunities, but I've still never felt anything more than deep affection for a good friend.

I've just been thinking a lot lately about why that is, if I'm waiting for a fireworks show instead of a spark, but I haven't even found the spark yet. At this point, I'm wondering if I will, and wondering why I'm not craving it like so many of my friends.

But it's okay, I'll figure it out someday. And for now I'm just going to be thankful for the amazing people who put up with my neuroses & emotional distance. I love them for it. Thank you.


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