Jan. 25th, 2011 11:28 pm
marenzi: ([RPS] Epic Love Story)
I shouldn't be surprised that every single one of the [livejournal.com profile] blindfold_spn fills that I loved enough to save were written by people on my flist. :D You guys are so talented, it still blows me away. My deepest admiration to all of you!

I actually wrote something today too - I was in my electronic device modeling class, supposedly taking notes on AC transductor voltage gain, when I just became certain that I had to write something. It's the worst cliché, but it was the most wonderful feeling like I just needed to put words on the page, right away. Not posting it, since it's ten kinds of childish drivel - but I wrote it. This is what I've loved my entire life, and honestly, I've been terrified that it was gone for good. I haven't written in a full year, haven't felt that pull, and I'm overjoyed that it still exists.

Life is dramatic. How novel, right? To bring the teenage cliché full circle, I've just been thinking about love a lot lately. I believe it exists, but it's rare. I'm in the position of a girl who's never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, never been kissed until college - never wanted to be in a relationship in my life. And now I've had the opportunities, but I've still never felt anything more than deep affection for a good friend.

I've just been thinking a lot lately about why that is, if I'm waiting for a fireworks show instead of a spark, but I haven't even found the spark yet. At this point, I'm wondering if I will, and wondering why I'm not craving it like so many of my friends.

But it's okay, I'll figure it out someday. And for now I'm just going to be thankful for the amazing people who put up with my neuroses & emotional distance. I love them for it. Thank you.
marenzi: (Converse Love)
Hello all! I hope everyone has a lovely holiday season, or at least an excellent few days off work!

First off, I got a nook for Christmas! I've been working my way through the Harry Potter books, which I've been wanting to reread for forever - but who the hell wants to lug all those books around?? - and I'm halfway through Goblet of Fire. God I'd forgotten how much I love this world! Shoebox Project will definitely be next, since that's my canon anyway. ♥

But I was hoping some of you might be able to point me towards any comms for ebook sharing? Because I haven't figured out how I'm paying for next quarter's textbooks, much less fun reading. I'll love you even more than I already do!

And secondly, my cousin has convinced me to finally try Tumblr. I'm shakethemountains, from the e.e.cummings poem the boys I mean are not refined, which I adore. So far it's just quotations & pretty things & utter randomness, and it's not going to be super fannish since it's connected to my RL. But link me to yours? And to any pretty picspam feeds? Please & thank you!

Love to you all - get ready for 2011!
marenzi: (Rainbow Sky)
I have such a terrible habit of getting completely overwhelmed with life and dropping out of fandom. And then I wonder why I don't have some sort of non-engineering creative outlet anymore. Sigh.

I promise to keep trying because I love you all! I did do a bit of a friends cut just because the smaller my flist is, the less I can distract myself with LJ (or at least that's what I tell myself). I still think you're stunningly fantastic people. ♥

First quarter was really rough in pretty much every way. Physically, I had knee surgery and then broke my leg a few weeks later; mentally, classes were barely passable; emotionally, I thought I was falling out with most of my friends. It was the first time I haven't loved Rose, and it was honestly really hard to handle.

But I went home for a week, ate good food, passed my classes, talked to friends, and now we've just begun the second quarter and I'm optimistic. I think I needed a perspective adjustment. It really will all work out.

I did get some good news - I was invited to intern for a major defense firm, so I'll be living by Lake Winnebago in Wisconsin this summer, designing & testing control systems for military vehicles! I'm pretty excited, since I really connected with the company and they'll be letting me work on both mechanical & electrical projects so I'll have experience in both my majors. Working on hands-on projects that will really help people? This is exactly what I was hoping for. (Okay, maybe not in Wisconsin, but we'll see!)

Basically, I'm just reminding myself that there are Good Things to be excited about: the upcoming holidays (and the many excuses for baking!). Rifle. The first snowfall, snowball fights, & ice skating on the lake. My ΔΣΦ boys. Going home in a few weeks to see my parents & puppies. Coming back to fandom, because I've missed you.
marenzi: (Paris Bike)
i. I am home! And really, really ready to go back to Indiana. I miss it so much already. Still considering just driving back and living at the house if things get too bad here.

ii. Yeah, I'll be retaking differential equations II in the fall. For an engineer, I am so terrible at math, it's not even funny anymore. But I should be done with all my math courses after next quarter. Fingers crossed!

iii. I desperately, desperately want to go see Foreigner, Styx, & Kansas at Nissan Pavilion Jiffy Lube Live (wtf really? when did this happen?) on June 12th! $20 lawn tickets, people! But I don't really have any friends left here and none of them seem interested anyway because they have no taste in music. DC fangirls, anyone wanna go with me??

iv. SPEAKING OF, DC fangirl meetup sometime while I'm home, Y/Y? :D I very much want to see you lovely ladies!

v. My really exciting news... the dad of my best friend from high school, Caro, now works as the Icelandic diplomat, so they're living there now. I'm half Icelandic on my dad's side, so I have tons of family there I've never met. So this August, I'm actually going to leave the country for the first time (!!) and visit! I'll probably be spending two weeks there, mostly in Reykjavik. I'm booking my flight this week and am so, so excited. (I'll spam about this much more once I actually have details worked out.)

vi. I'm loving [livejournal.com profile] classy_lawyers, a new Jared-Jensen-Danneel RP by [livejournal.com profile] poor_choices & [livejournal.com profile] setissma. You should be following this.

vii. Because I can't end on an even number, and seven is a good number - I love you all. ♥
marenzi: (Shots shots shots shots shots EVERYBODY)
Just got out of a five-hour design meeting, about to begin a who-knows-how-long statics meeting until morning. I am so drained right now that I am questioning everything. It would be so wonderful to have some fandom love right now. ♥

After all of this is over (aka 5:00pm today), we are all going out to Olive Garden to celebrate/mourn the end of freshman year before we go to Delta Sig's Fiesta Friday/Around the World party. It's going to get better, I know.
marenzi: (Rainbow Sky)
Wincon is just $90 today. And that weekend is our fall break, which means no classes Thursday/Friday, so it's entirely doable in terms of academics. Also in terms of location, because Chicago is only 4 hours away from Rose and I have my car here. But I am really shy and rather awkward and IDK how I'd feel actually going to one of these things. MAKE DECISIONS FOR ME, GUYS.

[Poll #1546312]

I was wondering how much fun I'd have as someone who is over eighteen but can't legally drink yet, since I'm sure a lot of people go out to bars and whatnot. I'd also definitely need a roommate(s) because I really can't justify spending very much while I'm still in college and will be paying off loans until I'm sixty. I think I'm really just looking for stories from your own experiences and assurances that I won't end up just feeling awkward all weekend.
marenzi: (Live Happily)
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?

It is SO BEAUTIFUL here!! When I left two weeks ago, it was 19° and bitterly windy. This week has been in the seventies & sunny & gorgeous. Indiana, I will never understand you, but I love it. We're all wearing t-shirts and flip-flops and all the windows are open. It feels like summer already!

Which also means that I have been completely useless & unproductive all week. Whatever, it's not like I needed to start the quarter off right or anything. And I really like all my professors this quarter, which is a pleasant change. (My programming prof from last quarter told me he was so proud of me for doing well "because it's so hard for girls to understand this sort of thing". FUCK YOU TOO. Not like I had the highest grade in the class or anything.) Despite it being at 8 freaking am every day of the week, I am especially in love with my DC circuits prof, who is an old Scottish man who says "bloody hell!" several times per class.

Today is crazy-busy - solid classes & work from 8 to 3, orientation leader meeting from 3 to 5 (haha those freshmen are SO DOOMED), a housing meeting tonight at 8, and then I'm hosting a prospective student overnight. And there's an IM softball game around 11 or so. And I can't even go over to see the boys because they prefer it if we keep the underage high school girls away from the frat houses. So really, the logical conclusion here is that I should frantically try to finish my homework in the next couple hours, but instead I'm typing this up and eating sour gummy worms instead of going to dinner. Mmm, good life choices.

SO REALLY, this post is pretty much just to reaffirm that I am a complete spaz and I love this stupid, stupid school. And warm weather. And you.
marenzi: (My normal approach is useless here.)
I hope you all had wonderful days yesterday! I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day myself - I've never had a boyfriend & don't date anyway - but I still love the LOVE that is everywhere. There were a lot of adorably sappy gestures for the girls on my floor last night, including serenades and pictures carved in the lake. I spent most of the day working on group projects (adjfklf kill me nooow) but went over to Speed last night to hang out with the girlfriendless guys. We watched some more Firefly and had cookies & spiked hot chocolate. It was a really nice way to spend the evening. :)

However, what I'm really excited for is this afternoon's trip to Walmart, where all of their chocolate will be majorly discounted. PRIORITIES, PEOPLE. Boyfriend, not so much, but chocolate? Yes please. Mmm.

The real point of this post is the I LOVE ALL OF YOU. EVERY SINGLE ONE. ESPECIALLY YOU. ♥ Now go buy yourself some chocolate.

Feb. 11th, 2010 11:09 am
marenzi: (My normal approach is useless here.)
Now that Chrome finally has extensions (FINALLY), I have made the mistake of adding LJ Notifier, which tells me if my flist has a new entry and if so how many. And while this prevents me from just randomly checking all day, it also means that if that little number pops up, I must compulsively go check it! BAD IDEA, SELF.

Um. My life is not especially exciting at the moment, just stressful. Although I did blow everything off Tuesday night for a Firefly marathon with the Speed boys, which we wisely started at 10:00pm. I made it through Bushwhacked (okay, I made it halfway through Bushwhacked) before passing out on their couch. Oops. But we are definitely finishing it sometime soon! Just not at 5:00am two hours before class.

Also, I am apparently doing this after all! Because the last few weeks have been kind of terrible, what with finals & championships coming up and, you know, LIFE. And love is wonderful. ♥

Jan. 14th, 2010 04:24 pm
marenzi: ([SPN] Drinking)
Love for everyone participating in [livejournal.com profile] help_haiti! I wish I could contribute but I currently have no way of feeding myself for this weekend, so I'm holding off on that. I love fandom so much when we come together and use our collective crazy for good.

And I love my campus too - the donation bins they set up last night for clothes, shoes, anything we can spare as college students have all overflowed several times already. That's like a metric ton of clothes in less than a day from a campus of ~1000. And there's also a program so that anyone with a meal plan can skip a meal and the money for that meal is donated to relief funds.

(Oh, so apparently viral laryngitis really isn't contagious at all! And everything is fine and no one is getting thrown off the team YAY. On the down side, I still can't talk and am coughing too hard to breathe. I NEED TO BE MORE AWESOME LIKE BARNEY STINSON.)

marenzi: (Converse Love)
I've disappeared for the past few weeks, and I really feel rather guilty about it. But I want to start this post by saying that each time I skimmed my flist (I am just hopelessly behind at this point, apologies) I saw so much love and so many good things. I love you all so, so much. Especially you. You brighten my life.

I'm rounding off my two weeks of vacation and returning to Rose on Sunday. I'm not really sure how to describe being home other than I very obviously don't fit anymore. My house is a bit of a disaster at this point; the night I got back, my parents told me they're finally getting a divorce. Unfortunately, this can't happen for a while because my mom's disabled & can't support herself, but at least they're finally recognizing that they can be happier apart. That's really all I've wanted for them.

I think what's hitting me the hardest is remembering how different life was here. I was the quiet girl without friends in high school who never went out at all. At Rose, I'm surrounded by fun parties and good people who care about me. It's hard to reconcile the past few months of going out every Friday and Saturday night with spending Christmas & New Year's Eve alone with the tension between my parents. We've already agreed that I won't be returning home until summer, but I'm toying with the idea of living somewhere else anyway if I can't find an internship. I didn't realize how depressed I was here until I left.

Aside from the messiness, my family does Christmas pretty quietly; I got a couple of DVDs, a cookbook, a coffee mug. The surprise was my own hunting gear, which was so appreciated; I've been borrowing from my uncles and younger cousins for the last few years, which of course never fit well. It's such an amazing difference to have good gear that fits. I ended up spending most of this past week hunting muzzleloader with my uncles because I wanted out of the house, and it was definitely good for me, very relaxing. I'm sure that's not how most people see it, but just consider sitting in a snowy forest with perfect stillness and perfect silence for hours. It's beautiful.

God, I can't wait to go home on Sunday. It's probably silly to miss being so busy all the time, but I like schedules and my organized room and the ridiculous nerdy people I surround myself with.

I hope every single one of you had a lovely holiday & a happy new year's celebration with the people you love. I hope twenty-ten brings you love and peace and happiness. I hope you know how much I appreciate every single one of you. ♥
marenzi: (Some Frickin' Pie)
Today is my Christmas-on-campus, because we're finishing our hall decorations this afternoon and then I'm exchanging gifts with my friends over coffee and then this evening is the team dinner. I'm about to go downstairs and make vodka pie & candy cane cookies for the dinner, so I even get to cook! It's a good day! Except for the lab and papers I haven't finished yet. :)

I'm also notoriously terrible at gifts (and broke) so I ended up making gifts for the girls here. All of my friends joined Chi Omega sorority, whose mascot is an owl and whose colors are red & yellow excuse me, cardinal & straw, so I made them ornaments vaguely based off of these (yay Etsy!): picture! )
They're pretty cute, so simple to make, and inexpensive; it would be really easy to change the animal without changing the template too much.

I now have one of these formspring things, because all the cool kids are doing it. Please ask me asinine questions!

eta Oh, and holiday cards have finally been sent out!! Thank you so much to everyone who sent me cards, they are all beautiful and picking up actual post is exciting! ♥
marenzi: (Some Frickin' Pie)
It is SO DAMN COLD HERE. It's been snowing all day, but it is crazy windy - like, can-barely-walk-upright windy - and it isn't sticking. And the heater in the range is broken! SOB MY LIFE. I shivered for three hours straight and I'm going to pretend that's why I shot so badly. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

AND THEN THE SNOWFLAKE COOKIES. ♥♥♥ You guys are AMAZING, I was just totally overwhelmed when I went to my profile! I'm so sorry I missed out on sending them to everyone. Stupid time limits. But I love you all!

a;lfjakldfjaklfj I am just SO READY FOR CHRISTMAS, YOU GUYS! Today I wrapped my dorm door and hung up stockings and wrapped gifts and am now drinking hot chocolate. So good. And this is the last call for holiday cards, because I'm sending them out this weekend! Please, please sign up if you haven't already, because I have super-awesome cool cards and there'll be something cute in them and I am just excited to send them to you guys! Don't let the extras I have now go to waste!

Rose is all decked out for the holidays and everyone's in a good mood and people are actually singing carols in the hallway right now. I am blissfully ignoring homework to type this up and revel in the fact that I will be home in a week and there will be a tree with lights and ornaments and my family.
marenzi: ([RPS] Soapbox Love)
ajsfklajfkjf so I was momentarily excited when I heard that Wincon 2010 would be in Chicago, because I am now only a few hours away! And then I realized that yes, I do have classes and studying and other nonsense that will need to be done because, you know, COLLEGE. So I just sort of forgot about it.

This morning, I randomly realized that October 15-17 will be our fall break. OH MY GOD WHAT. THIS MAY BE A POSSIBILITY. Although aside from the fact that the universe pretty much aligned itself for me in terms of place and time, I'm also broke. How much do these things usually end up costing, flist? Probably $125 for registration, since I can't commit too early (or I could buy an $85 ticket and sell if I need to?) and then a shared hotel room, which would likely be at least $25 per night. Plus food and gas, obviously, and money for shenanigans.

marenzi: ([RPS] Life Ruiners)
I HAVE BEEN FAILING SO HARD AT LJ FOR, OH, THE PAST TWO MONTHS. I AM SORRY. :/ I just did a flist cut today in hopes that I can actually manage to keep up with it now. Even manage to comment sometimes, maybe! I miss all of you and your wonderful levels of crazy.

Supernatural is freaking fantastic, Glee is OMGGLEEEEE, college life is just ridiculous. Why yes, these are my priorities. Don't judge. I'm just happy to finally be all caught up on my shows again (I have TWO, this should not be difficult!) but I actually SLEPT this weekend since there was no one on campus. It was glorious.


Sep. 9th, 2009 02:57 pm
marenzi: ([RPS] Soapbox Love)
FML all Threadless shirts are $9 today. Which would be awesome except I am a broke college student. But I NEED this one & this one & this one. And maybe the spoiler shirt, except not because I'd feel too guilty to ever wear it.

You know what's distracting me from cute t-shirts? There's this show tomorrow with these boys who MAKE MY LIFE. alfjdklfj SPN S5 IS ALMOST HERE. \o/

And I still feel so guilty for not being in fandom right now, except I'm never on the computer anymore! I don't want to have to actually make a schedule for you amazing, fantastic people, but I don't know how else to make this work time-wise. :/

Aug. 11th, 2009 11:39 pm
marenzi: (Converse Love)
Just got home from a going-away work party, since one of our Swiss apprentice bakers is flying home this week. In theory, it was an American Melting Pot potluck, which turned out to mean cases and cases of European liquors. Let me tell you, drunken Swiss boys singing in German makes for some damn good entertainment. And, of course, the food was ridiculous since it was all made by bakers and pastry chefs. I'm full for the rest of the week, thanks. And oh my god, there were mojito sorbet popsicles... mmmph. I love my coworkers.

And then what do I find when I get home? A message from the beautiful, lovely [livejournal.com profile] lady_sarai, who was once my accomplice and who was checking back in on me, since I completely fell off LJ until last year. Sara, I have missed you like Sawyer misses his coconuts and you have completely made my day. I can't wait to bake crack pie with you again!

marenzi: ([SPN] Dumb & Crazy)
Oh god. Okay, I've sort of begun writing a rather ridiculous fic which, despite being in the earliest of early stages, is already tangled and complicated and going to be much longer than anything I've written in years. And while I know that I have been a complete flake about writing recently, let's pretend that I'm going to actually do this thing.

For anything longer than a few thousand words, I usually just sketch out a rough outline on paper, but I know this will be much longer and need to be constantly updated and reworked. Anyone have a good suggestion for storyboard programs? Storybook looks rather intriguing, but I trust you guys more than Google.

WTF am I doing I am leaving for college in TWO WEEKS this is a BAD IDEA, SELF.


Aug. 10th, 2009 09:59 am
marenzi: (Converse Love)
I've slept for 30 of the past 40 hours. Oy. Came home from work Saturday afternoon, fell asleep, woke up the next morning for work. Came home from work Sunday afternoon, fell asleep, just woke up. No idea what that was all about, but I feel awesome now and it's my day off, so life is good.

Also! New glasses! )

You know what makes me happy? All of you who post lists of random things that made you smile, or lists of all the good things in your day. That always brightens my day. Thanks. ♥
marenzi: (Converse Love)
So I just heard about my dorm assignment - my roommate found me on facebook. OH SOCIAL NETWORKING. She's a musician and loves to read and seems very sweet. Except she is apparently a Twilight fan, but WHATEVER I will reserve judgment. Anyway, we got the first room on the floor, which is really nice. (In case I haven't mentioned it, Rose only went coed in the 90s, so the ratio is 4 guys for every girl. So yes, there's only one female floor.) OMG EXCITED. :D

Ahaha, I love how many people are owning up to their [livejournal.com profile] spnkink_meme fics! You are are brave, brave fangirls and I admire you muchly. I'm just going to keep hiding behind anonymity, kthanks. And I'm still in love with [livejournal.com profile] sadcypress' idea of a fangirl mark from our HP6 meetup. FANGIRL ARMS YAY! \o/

Since I am a ginormous freak, this is also my favorite day of the year. 7/21. Because 21 is my favorite number (because it is prime other than its divisors of 3 and 7, which are both good numbers, and it's odd, and it LOOKS NICE okay) and July is a good month. I'M SO VERY WEIRD, I KNOW. But it still makes me happy. DON'T JUDGE, HATERS TO THE LEFT, ET CETERA ET CETERA.


marenzi: (Default)

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