Jan. 25th, 2011 11:28 pm
marenzi: ([RPS] Epic Love Story)
I shouldn't be surprised that every single one of the [livejournal.com profile] blindfold_spn fills that I loved enough to save were written by people on my flist. :D You guys are so talented, it still blows me away. My deepest admiration to all of you!

I actually wrote something today too - I was in my electronic device modeling class, supposedly taking notes on AC transductor voltage gain, when I just became certain that I had to write something. It's the worst cliché, but it was the most wonderful feeling like I just needed to put words on the page, right away. Not posting it, since it's ten kinds of childish drivel - but I wrote it. This is what I've loved my entire life, and honestly, I've been terrified that it was gone for good. I haven't written in a full year, haven't felt that pull, and I'm overjoyed that it still exists.

Life is dramatic. How novel, right? To bring the teenage cliché full circle, I've just been thinking about love a lot lately. I believe it exists, but it's rare. I'm in the position of a girl who's never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, never been kissed until college - never wanted to be in a relationship in my life. And now I've had the opportunities, but I've still never felt anything more than deep affection for a good friend.

I've just been thinking a lot lately about why that is, if I'm waiting for a fireworks show instead of a spark, but I haven't even found the spark yet. At this point, I'm wondering if I will, and wondering why I'm not craving it like so many of my friends.

But it's okay, I'll figure it out someday. And for now I'm just going to be thankful for the amazing people who put up with my neuroses & emotional distance. I love them for it. Thank you.


Dec. 4th, 2010 03:27 pm
marenzi: (Converse Love)
YAY IT SNOWED!! Like six inches! \o/ And everything is wonderfully white and campus is so pretty, even if I'm stuck inside because stupid broken leg. I spent the morning watching happy movies & drinking hot chocolate while I did my homework, though. Yum.

I very selfishly want to sign up for holiday cards, because getting something other than tuition bills in my campus box is super exciting. And then I get to extend Christmas into January, when I come back to cheerful cards! But I feel terribly guilty asking for cards when I'm not sure if I can send any - I can't drive since it's my right leg that's casted, and I don't know if anyone's going to the store this weekend. We'll see, I'll hopefully put a poll up soon! I want to send you happy things. ♥

Here, have pictures of the view from my window:

First picture was taken when I moved in in August, second one was taken thirty seconds ago & has a weird dotted effect because it's too cold to raise the screen. :)

edit OMG someone is building an EPIC igloo below my window & I can hear the civil engineers yelling about the best way to make it structurally sound. I love my geek school.
marenzi: (Rainbow Sky)
I have such a terrible habit of getting completely overwhelmed with life and dropping out of fandom. And then I wonder why I don't have some sort of non-engineering creative outlet anymore. Sigh.

I promise to keep trying because I love you all! I did do a bit of a friends cut just because the smaller my flist is, the less I can distract myself with LJ (or at least that's what I tell myself). I still think you're stunningly fantastic people. ♥

First quarter was really rough in pretty much every way. Physically, I had knee surgery and then broke my leg a few weeks later; mentally, classes were barely passable; emotionally, I thought I was falling out with most of my friends. It was the first time I haven't loved Rose, and it was honestly really hard to handle.

But I went home for a week, ate good food, passed my classes, talked to friends, and now we've just begun the second quarter and I'm optimistic. I think I needed a perspective adjustment. It really will all work out.

I did get some good news - I was invited to intern for a major defense firm, so I'll be living by Lake Winnebago in Wisconsin this summer, designing & testing control systems for military vehicles! I'm pretty excited, since I really connected with the company and they'll be letting me work on both mechanical & electrical projects so I'll have experience in both my majors. Working on hands-on projects that will really help people? This is exactly what I was hoping for. (Okay, maybe not in Wisconsin, but we'll see!)

Basically, I'm just reminding myself that there are Good Things to be excited about: the upcoming holidays (and the many excuses for baking!). Rifle. The first snowfall, snowball fights, & ice skating on the lake. My ΔΣΦ boys. Going home in a few weeks to see my parents & puppies. Coming back to fandom, because I've missed you.
marenzi: (Default)
Hi guys! I don't even know what happened to the last two months but it has been CRAZY. Summer was fantastic, orientation was insane but went off beautifully, and sophomore year is kicking my ass hardcore. So far, I've dropped everything from my life except class, work, rifle, and sleep*, torn my meniscus, and reaffirmed how much I love my amazing ΔΣΦ boys for keeping me semi-sane.

This was a really rough week - the first time I've ever absolutely not wanted to be at Rose, wondering why the hell I'm doing the double major, why do I suck at life - but tonight is Homecoming so it's (almost) all better. I'm going to see all of my seniors from last year and get a chance to breathe for the first time in a few weeks.

And I finally got a chance to watch the SPN premiere. All I have to say is OMGWTFBOYS. I have lots of thoughts on the subject but few are very thinky and they mostly involve lots of flailing. I am somehow going to make time to watch the new episode this weekend, I promise, although it's weird watching with other people. Especially non-fandom people. We'll see if I can possibly contain my squeals of Wincesty glee.

Basically life sucked but is slowly getting better and I MISSED YOU. Sorry. ♥

marenzi: (Coffee & Biscotti)
It's been over three weeks since I've updated, but I'm alive! Sorry for the complete lack of communication & the fact that there is no way I can ever catch up on my flist. I still love you all, I promise.

The first two weeks were my Iceland trip (which oh my fucking god was so amazing & will get its own post... someday) and then the day after I got home I drove back out here to Indiana, since summer classes began on Monday. I'm grade-replacing differential equations II (I am truly terrible at math for an engineer, and I'm going to need this material for the rest of my life, so I figure it's worth it) and technical communications, the only required English class that is usually taken as a junior.

Thanks to the accelerated pace (essentially double that of the school year) and the fact that these are both incredibly work-extensive classes, I'm very near drowning, but so far it's workable and I really feel like I understand what's going on, which is always nice. I am sort of :/ with my DE prof at the moment, as I couldn't recall some trig substitution (which I haven't used in years, okay) and he made the offhanded comment, "Well, if you're an EE and you don't understand this, you may as well give up and walk out right now." WHICH I VERY NEARLY DID. Sorry I suck at this, but I'm trying? This ME/EE thing is hard, cut me a little slack because I couldn't remember one fact from high school.

But I'm fully moved into the Delta Sig house now, which is disgustingly fantastic. I'm living in the basement because it's much quieter down here. I'd forgotten that six hours of sleep is a luxury here, especially living with these boys. Still amused by the enormous mirror above the curtained-in bed, although it's rather disorienting when you wake up in the morning.

ANYWAY. TL;DR I've missed LJ, but July has been a very good month for me! Please link me to all of the wonderful things I've missed?
marenzi: (Shots shots shots shots shots EVERYBODY)

(Yes, these were actual billboards. Because THAT'S how you encourage kids to pursue higher education.)
marenzi: (Shots shots shots shots shots EVERYBODY)
So I finished my last final on Wednesday and am officially done with freshman year. WHAT. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN. But I'm all packed up and just got checked out of my room, so. Apparently they want me to leave campus or something.

So of course the last two days have been nonstop partying with people I fucking love and don't know what I'm going to do without this summer. Yeah, I know college changes you, but I've pulled a 180 from high school because these girls brought me out of my insecure shell. And my seniors are all leaving me to go out into the ~real world~, which confuses me because I just did a keg stand with them last night, they can't be professionals!

Speaking of, last night the kegger was at the house of the guy from the rifle team who I had a thing with all season. We haven't really seen each other lately, so I wasn't sure if it would be weird if I went, but I'm so glad I did because I really missed him. He's such a good guy and TBH, I'm sorry that I wasn't more open to dating him because I think we could have been good together. But he'll come back to visit at homecoming next year, so yeah. Good closure.

Still waiting to hear back about the internship. (Said they'd call today or tomorrow.) If it doesn't work out, I'll be home in NoVA Sunday night. Until then, I'm just staying at the Delta Sig house and refusing to acknowledge that everyone is gone. It's weird, it still feels like procrastinating even though there is nothing I need to do. Free time, what?

So now I'm just rambling but really, the point: I am at a very strange point where I'm happy because finals are over & I'm having so much fun with amazing people, but I never ever want to leave. ♥
marenzi: (Coffee & Biscotti)
I've been freaking out all week because the bakery called me back to tell me that despite the fact they had guaranteed me a job for this summer, my internship last year worked out so well that they're starting a program with the local culinary school. Which means they no longer need an engineering student. Shit.

But I just had an interview this morning which could not have possibly gone any better - they ended it by saying that I interview very well, they couldn't believe I didn't have an internship yet, and they were going to do everything they can to find me a position in the next week. Which yes, very much what I wanted. :D And of course an engineering internship looks much better (honestly, I'd almost given up on one, since I keep getting to the final round of interviews and getting shut out by juniors). So fingers crossed for that!

Or, you know, if absolutely nothing else works out, I can always just live at the Delta Sig house all summer with awesome people I love and get a waitressing job. I hate not knowing what's going to happen, but it'll be okay.
marenzi: (Coffee & Biscotti)
Last week of DOOM was almost entirely made up for by one of the best weekends I've ever had. There were crazy parties and coffee dates and lots of really good memories. I love so many people here; I can't even imagine not living with these people over the summer. When I think back to how unhappy I was in high school versus how much I love my life now - yeah, it'll be rough. ♥

And oh god I had what I think was raspberry chamboise in pretty much the holy grail of liquor bottles - seriously, a sphere crossed with gold bands and a crystal cross stopper. It is pretty much like the most succulent, mouth-water raspberry truffle you could possibly imagine in a shot glass. But Google is being useless and so I suspect I've got the name wrong. Any help?

And finally, regarding last week's SPN episode, [livejournal.com profile] missyjack posted some meta regarding Supernatural's portrayal of religion that I really agree with. Obviously spoilery, but definitely a different take than what I've seen from a lot of fans, so I recommend reading.
marenzi: (Writer's Block)
My dad, who's a programmer, sent me this article about how, despite the fact that the number of women in engineering & sciences is very slowly rising, the percentage of women in the IT field has been dropping steadily for years. He noted that when he started out thirtysome years ago, it seemed like half of the programmers were women; now there are only a few in his office.

The article notes that "women we talked to cited a lack of encouragement as opposed to active discouragement," which I think describes it perfectly. No one told me, "Oh, you can't be an engineer, you're a girl." They said things like, "Oh really, engineering? But that's so much math & science! I think you'd be much happier at a liberal arts school." Of course, none of my male cousins - all of whom are engineers - were encouraged to go study English.

And yeah, there are incredible perks to being at an 80% male school, but it really fosters underhanded misogyny. Last quarter, my programming professor called my friend & I - the only two girls in the class - into his office to tell us how proud he was of us for doing so well, "since this computer stuff's usually really difficult for girls to understand." Like, I know that somewhere in his brain that might have seemed like a compliment, but really? How do you expect us to push ourselves to do well when you don't expect us to do well? It depresses the fuck out of me that he has two little girls. I feel so sorry for them.

Frustration. Ah well. This week was hell - four exams, all on Thursday & Friday, so I shut myself in my room and ignored everything but schoolwork. Had a doctor's appointment right after my last exam, so now I get to spend a week waiting for my bloodwork results to come back. But then I went out last night to our South of the Border party which was just a jumble of upside-down margarita shots, sweaty crazy dancing to a really awesome live band, & a three-story beer bong. Woke up, worked out, went out for an all-day coffee date with my best friend-slash-wife, got all of my homework done, and am about to go out for dinner before the Delta Sig party tonight. So, you know, it's ending nicely. :)

Road Block

Apr. 12th, 2010 01:02 pm
marenzi: ([SPN] Impala Sex)
I completely disappeared for the last week for no real reason. It was spring break and I had plans to go spend a week drunk off my ass in Panama City with a couple of the frats, but then that Thursday two of the guys I was rooming with had a huge fight because one slept with the other's girlfriend and then they weren't going and then we couldn't fill the room in 24 hours so the rest of the room couldn't go either. Life's bitchy like that sometimes.

So I drove the 700+ miles home and promptly determined that I am not going to be able to live at home this summer and keep my sanity. IDK, guys, I know this is probably just me being a whiny teenager, but my mom and I get along so much better when we're several states apart. For all intents & purposes, I'm really living without any supervision here; the RAs & housing staff don't care what we're doing as long as no one's getting hurt. It's just frustrating to go home and immediately revert to being twelve with a ten o'clock curfew. Yes, I know I don't have a life there. It'd just be nice to pretend.

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Haha, I can't even imagine going back to being twelve. I was still living in Idaho and going to a school I loved and surrounded by some of the best people I've ever met, all of whom I'd known since we were five. I had no idea that my dad would lose his job and my mom would be diagnosed and we'd have to move to DC, so I was pretty happy back then. If I could see myself now... I'm probably at the happiest point in my life here at college, despite all of the stress and drama, because I love what I'm doing and I've made a place here. Those six years in between were pretty miserable, but it's interesting that these are the two high points of my life so far.

To actually answer the question, an amusing mixture of both. I'd be horrified that I wasn't studying English to become a ~real writer~, which I wanted since I was three, and I probably wouldn't be all that pleased with the drinking and partying and sex, but twelve-year-old me was very very sheltered. (Okay, I still sort of am, shut up.) I've gotten past that now. ;) But overall, I think I'd be okay with my life, which is nice to realize.

Also, there's a pretty important episode of a pretty awesome show airing this week! (No spoilers, please!) I rather like the relevancy of this icon, although unfortunately Jared Padalecki hasn't worked up the nerve to actually ask me to fuck on the Impala yet. Jensen's probably taking up all his time, that bitch. ♥
marenzi: (Live Happily)
The boy who lives below me climbs out onto his roof at night and sings along with his guitar right below my open window. I know he doesn't know I'm up here, but it makes me so happy to sit here in the warm night breeze with the stars just coming out and listen to him. He has such a pretty voice.

Thank you, boy. ♥
marenzi: (Live Happily)
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?

It is SO BEAUTIFUL here!! When I left two weeks ago, it was 19° and bitterly windy. This week has been in the seventies & sunny & gorgeous. Indiana, I will never understand you, but I love it. We're all wearing t-shirts and flip-flops and all the windows are open. It feels like summer already!

Which also means that I have been completely useless & unproductive all week. Whatever, it's not like I needed to start the quarter off right or anything. And I really like all my professors this quarter, which is a pleasant change. (My programming prof from last quarter told me he was so proud of me for doing well "because it's so hard for girls to understand this sort of thing". FUCK YOU TOO. Not like I had the highest grade in the class or anything.) Despite it being at 8 freaking am every day of the week, I am especially in love with my DC circuits prof, who is an old Scottish man who says "bloody hell!" several times per class.

Today is crazy-busy - solid classes & work from 8 to 3, orientation leader meeting from 3 to 5 (haha those freshmen are SO DOOMED), a housing meeting tonight at 8, and then I'm hosting a prospective student overnight. And there's an IM softball game around 11 or so. And I can't even go over to see the boys because they prefer it if we keep the underage high school girls away from the frat houses. So really, the logical conclusion here is that I should frantically try to finish my homework in the next couple hours, but instead I'm typing this up and eating sour gummy worms instead of going to dinner. Mmm, good life choices.

SO REALLY, this post is pretty much just to reaffirm that I am a complete spaz and I love this stupid, stupid school. And warm weather. And you.
marenzi: (Live Happily)
Tenth week is over, rifle is over, finals week is here. Just a few days until I'm home again. Almost there.

I can't even describe how miserable tenth week was; suffice to say that I slept eight hours the entire week. We got on the bus five minutes after my last class on Friday and headed up to Michigan for the riflery conference finals on Saturday. Despite less-than-ideal conditions - they were morons and wouldn't let us adjust the height of our targets, so I had to shoot at the seniors' normal height. They're 6'4"; I'm 5'4". WTF. - we all did really well, especially considering we were shooting against girls from the Olympic training team. Our team broke both school records and I had season highs in most of the events, which put me in fifth in conference for championship smallbore performance. It was a good way to end the season. :)

And now I have finals for the next three days and then I am getting obliterated Wednesday night and then I'm going home to sleep for a week. And as stupidly miserable as I've been for the last week, finals aren't even stressing me. Bring it on, Rose. I'm ready.


Feb. 16th, 2010 04:22 pm
marenzi: ([SPN] Brother Love)
Supernatural Sixth Season Confirmed! With Kripke! I love these boys and their stupid faces and the Metallicar. I'm in this for as long as it keeps going.

Definitely the highlight of my day, since my differential equations prof just told me (very kindly) that I need a 96% on the final to do well in the class. After an entire quarter of near-failing test grades, I am not quite sure where I'm going to pull this from. I hate math, okay? I love science and engineering and the application of math to science, but. Fuck. Straight-up math is kicking my ass at this school.

I am going to go shoot things and take my final night programming exam and then go eat chocolate & watch Firefly. Because I still have not got it through my head that at the top engineering school in the country, I can't pull effortless 4.0s anymore like I did in high school. Damn it.

edit Ahaha this is the most bipolar post ever. SHOW LOVE! YAY BOYS!... FUCK MATH! MISERY! I am not quite sure what mood to select here.
marenzi: (My normal approach is useless here.)
I hope you all had wonderful days yesterday! I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day myself - I've never had a boyfriend & don't date anyway - but I still love the LOVE that is everywhere. There were a lot of adorably sappy gestures for the girls on my floor last night, including serenades and pictures carved in the lake. I spent most of the day working on group projects (adjfklf kill me nooow) but went over to Speed last night to hang out with the girlfriendless guys. We watched some more Firefly and had cookies & spiked hot chocolate. It was a really nice way to spend the evening. :)

However, what I'm really excited for is this afternoon's trip to Walmart, where all of their chocolate will be majorly discounted. PRIORITIES, PEOPLE. Boyfriend, not so much, but chocolate? Yes please. Mmm.

The real point of this post is the I LOVE ALL OF YOU. EVERY SINGLE ONE. ESPECIALLY YOU. ♥ Now go buy yourself some chocolate.


Feb. 6th, 2010 12:12 pm
marenzi: ([SPN] Impala Sex)
I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHOW. SO MUCH. And what I really love is when they get it so right with an episode that pretty much everyone in fandom - even the people who hate this season/the mytharc/the writing - is all \o/! WIN.

Also! The season finale is set for my birthday, May 13. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, RIGHT? Because our season finales are always full of sunshine and rainbows and brothertouching. Eric Kripke, don't you dare ruin this for me.

Our rifle match was cancelled this weekend due to snow. This is my first full weekend on campus since October and I am not quite sure what to do with all of this time. Two whole days to myself? What is this madness? Time-wasting suggestions welcome.


Feb. 1st, 2010 08:28 pm
marenzi: (Converse Love)
I had a ridiculously long post typed up about this weekend, but it sort of devolved into rambling about shenanigans & drunken hookups with the guys on the team. And that I remembered a dream for the first time in years at the motel on Friday, but it was pretty much about a drunken team orgy and pole dancing on a rifle. Yeah. That kind of sums it all up.

Anyway, this weekend was the Midwest rifle invitational, so we shot at Murray State in Kentucky on Friday & University of Tennessee at Martin on Saturday, then got back to Indiana around 5 am Sunday. I had personal bests in everything, so I'm pretty happy with that. :)

[livejournal.com profile] fallintosilence made a beautiful rainbow picspam about love. You should all go read it and smile and be happy. Also, today was GayOK day on campus and I now have pretty banners above my bed. ♥
marenzi: (Paris Bike)
Oh god I love weekend Wednesdays. SO MUCH. The upperclassmen kept telling us how much we would hate winter quarter, but no. We didn't believe them. I am paying for my disbelief now, guys. Although I will really miss this schedule next quarter, when I will have classes from 8:00-11:00 every morning and then three more in the afternoon. Sigh.

I also love book clubbing with the ΔΣΦ boys. (Haha, I was never supposed to be a frat girl! Really. It's just DIFFERENT at Rose, okay?) This started a couple months ago as an excuse to cram a dozen guys in a room so they could all drink together, but then one day I brought an actual BOOK to book club and now they're all reading too. I am highly amused at this "liberal arts bullshit", as they like to call it, because everyone here's an engineer and came here to get away from the humanities. I AM SUCH A BAD INFLUENCE.

ANYWAY, that tangent was to say that I spent an extremely reasonable $1 and ordered the complete Chronicles of Narnia, which I haven't read since first grade and really want to reread now that I'll actually understand all of the allegories. I am impatiently checking the tracking page like every five minutes. It's not like I really ever have time to read it, but book club is usually around 2-5 in the morning, so. Lewis on drunken sleep deprivation is going to be fantastic, I am sure.

(Also, there's supposed to be this show on tomorrow night? IDK, I'M KIND OF SPAZZING OUT ABOUT IT. ♥)


marenzi: (Default)

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